It has been a while since I have taken the time to write. A lot has happened in the last couple of months and I haven't felt like myself. In my current state I have an opportunity to make some changes for my family. As usual my mind goes to the "what ifs" and I usually do this until I am on the brink of insanity. This level of insanity is actual a nice little rush to dive into. It is clear and sharp and at times almost manic, but at the same time precise and forensic. In my defense as to the overthinking, it is a classic defense mechanism that is necessary to further purge residual regrets of past mistakes that I made and was blindsided by consequences of in my youth.
Proper planning of almost everything in the last twelve years has literally saved me from financial ruin, failed relationships and clinical depression. Before I lived on the brink of insanity by overthinking everything, I lived in an oblivious world of fantasy. A dreamer with no real clue of the world, my surroundings, and how every decision I made or let someone else make for me, could directly effect my future self for years to come.
This blog is a bit dark I realize, however, I feel that for those that are living in the "dream world" you could possibly benefit from my experience. It is smart to have a plan, it is smart to reason scenarios for your choices. Do it until you feel you are losing your death grip on reality (that is how you know you have exhausted all outcomes). When you make an uneducated decision, or lack impulse control, you pay, period. Remember that the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward, but it is still ok, to KNOW what you are getting into. Eyes wide open, hair blown back, and on the brink.
