Full of it!

Ok, so since I started this blog pretty much everything I thought my life was has changed. I now spend my weekends with my husband & great nephew who turned eight months old today. I am buying a house which I love and can't wait to move into. Life is funny that way, as soon as you move towards a goal and get comfortable, life pulls the rug right out from underneath you. Not necessarily always a bad thing, just is. It has been such a wild ride this past year, with some real lows and some real highs and I suppose how you handle yourself during these times is the true test of character. It's like my theme song became Pat Morita's voice in the movie The Karate Kid, "Up! Down! Up! Down!" So LIFE if you are reading this I would just like to say, I am filled with character, I don't need anymore surprises, close calls, change of plans, or cruel rude awakenings. Expect the unexpected...I get it. Be graceful, grateful, love everybody, everything, and quit griping and moaning because there is always someone who has got it way worse than you. Make sure you tell the ones you love, you love them. If you're getting used by someone, stop allowing it. Most of all, appreciate those who are there for you during the great and bad times. True love and friendship is never absent, inconvenient, annoyed, rude or false...it is loyal and faithful, it envelopes you with security and comfort, love and friendship always brings out your best self. For those of you that love me, I love you back. Thanks for being there during those tearfully happy and scary times. Dare I say that I'm happy? Life is not perfect right now, far from it, but I'm happy. Lots of good times on the horizon, and most will be with my family and friends, because they bring out the best in me. For the bad times coming a little message from my character: "give it your best shot, you don't stand a chance".

Family

The family dynamic is unique in every circle but always is the same universally.  I have been blessed to have spent time with my brother and his family and my sister this year that I have not seen for many years.  It amazes me that you pick up where you have left off almost immediately and I wonder if it is because of all the opportunities we are afforded in communication these days.  Social networks, text, emails, instant messaging and telephone.  I remember when I was younger having to get reacquainted with family members and it seemed to take a long time to feel like I really knew the person again.  Now, it is within a matter of hours.
No matter what the reason is, I am grateful.  It would be difficult to stuff all these lost years inside of a weeks time.  I am always the one to say that I will not let all this time pass again before scheduling our next get together, but life always gets in the way.  Regardless of the circumstances, the new communication technology's for families who are scattered to the four corners of the United States are a welcome help to keeping families strong and supportive while not living in close proximity.

Readers

Well back again to report two excellent books that I have read recently. The first was a gift for my birthday called "The Help". The book takes place in 1961 during the civil rights movement. The book was funny and sad and I burned through the pages in anticipation of what would happen next. The characters were full of life and you couldn't help but feel that pang of sadness when you finished the book, as it leaves you wanting more of their lives as if they had become old friends.

The second book I read was on loan from a friend at work. We just switched books and were looking forward to discussing them when finished. Coincidentally she is the one who gave me the first book. The second book was called Firefly Lane, which covered the span of about forty years. It's about two girls who despite their completely different lifestyles and personalities, become great friends. This one to, will make you laugh and cry, and in addition to that be downright furious.

One of my true loves as a teenager was reading. I would buy Stephen King novels the minute they came out, and not be able to get out of the mall parking lot before cracking the binding open and getting into the first chapter. Of course I would stay up all night and scare myself half to death with books like Misery, The Shining, Carrie and It. A couple of years ago, I had an enormous amount of time on my hands and returned to the love of reading again. Starting with Stephen Kings son's (Joe Hill)new book called Heartshaped Box. Then I moved onto another author who's been around forever named Harlan Coben. Mr. Coben writes like I think, so I burned through every book the library had to offer.

There is no real point to this blog other than if you are a reader, then we understand each other. If you used to be a reader and feel you don't have time anymore, then make time. There is nothing more satisfying then jumping into a novel for a few days and forgetting the ordinary stresses of your day to day life. Now I am off to bed to dive into another novel named The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. Till we meet again, happy reading.

Time

It has been a while since I have taken the time to write.  A lot has happened in the last couple of months and I haven't felt like myself.  In my current state I have an opportunity to make some changes for my family.  As usual my mind goes to the "what ifs" and I usually do this until I am on the brink of insanity.  This level of insanity is actual a nice little rush to dive into.  It is clear and sharp and at times almost manic, but at the same time precise and forensic.  In my defense as to the overthinking, it is a classic defense mechanism that is necessary to further purge residual regrets of past mistakes that I made and was blindsided by consequences of in my youth.

Proper planning of almost everything in the last twelve years has literally saved me from financial ruin, failed relationships and clinical depression.  Before I lived on the brink of insanity by overthinking everything, I lived in an oblivious world of fantasy.  A dreamer with no real clue of the world, my surroundings, and how every decision I made or let someone else make for me, could directly effect my future self for years to come.

This blog is a bit dark I realize, however, I feel that for those that are living in the "dream world" you could possibly benefit from my experience.  It is smart to have a plan, it is smart to reason scenarios for your choices.  Do it until you feel you are losing your death grip on reality (that is how you know you have exhausted all outcomes).  When you make an uneducated decision, or lack impulse control, you pay, period.  Remember that the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward, but it is still ok, to KNOW what you are getting into.  Eyes wide open, hair blown back, and on the brink.

Bucket List

Many of you I am sure have seen the movie.  That which motivated us to consider what we would put on our own bucket list if we were faced with our immediate or in the near future mortality.  For me, I often try to think about what would actually be on my list.  I often dream of exotic locations, and great adventures.  But if I actually settle down with a pen and paper, I am not so sure I would write any of those things down.

To me, if I was facing my mortality (aren't we all rushing toward it right now?), then I would want some serious things tied up.  For example; I would tell my sisters that although we live far apart, they have been two of the most important people in my life. I would tell my husband that no matter all the horrible things that we have been through together...we were together and that is what mattered.  I would tell my neice that she is the most beautiful person in the world and she can accomplish anything she wants.  I would tell my Dad that in the grand sceme of things that he really mattered to me. 

Telling all of my friends and family of course that I loved them, forgave them, ask them to forgive me and hopefully say all that needs to be said.  Of course I would love to see the world and all the great wonders that the planet has to offer.  But in reality, I would hope I would have the will to say the things that people avoid saying for a lifetime and then can not bring themselves to say in the end.   So if I were to write something down on my bucket list I would simple put...COURAGE.

The Secret of Life

Why I write on this subject, I begin to wonder if anybody is out there... sorry honey... I know you are somebody, but in the whole sceme of things (readers) it is not fair to count you.  Often times I think about the "secret" of life.  Do they call it that because those that actually know what it is, take it to their graves?  Hence it constantly remains a secret to the rest of us poor saps who wander through life aimlessly until we figure it out on our death beds?  I know, I know, a bit dramatic for a blog, but who is keeping score anyway?  For me there are a lot of lessons that I have learned over the years.  I will list a few:

#1. If it is to good to be true, then it probably is.
#2. Forbidden love is only sweet because it is forbidden.
#3.  Being attracted to the "bad boy" gets old the second you land him.
And of course
#4. To much of a good thing is not always so good.

These are of course all pretty standard life lessons, so is it fair to project them on the youth of our time?  Do they become a whole person if they do not learn these life lessons on their own?  These are questions I will send out into the void for answers, because, honestly, I don't have a clue.
One of life's lesson I have figured out for myself, and hopefully no where near my death bed, I will share with you.  Aren't you lucky? Is that life is always better in every way when... are you paying attention?.... write this down....

#5  Life is better when you are good, even when you know noone is watching. 

Ok that is it.  Go ahead and give me the pulitzer right now:
Speech:

                                I would like to thank all my friends and family for getting me

                                here and for not abandoning me when I hadn't quite figured

                                out Life's Lesson #4. 

So, that's it.  Impressed?  I knew you would be.  Now as far as life is concerned, it should all be nothing but a carnival ride from here on out.  Right?

Listening

Have you ever had that feeling that something was about to happen?  I have.  Sometimes it was eerily accurate.  Once my boyfriend asked me to turn off the kitchen lights, and for some reason I replied "I can't or they will blow up".  Even while I was saying it, I felt like the words were not mine.  Of course he said "what?", and I shook my head, leaned over turned the light out, and all four bulbs blew.  We were cleaning that fine light bulb glass up for over a month.  Another time, I woke up in the middle of the night and told my boyfriend that someone had stolen his truck.  He went to see, and it was there.  We had spent the day detailing it and that is why I thought that I had the dream.  When he left to go to work the next day, the truck was gone. 
I have had several other times of getting that "feeling" or even a vivid dream that comes true (usually there is a particular color that stands out in the dream).  It would seem to me that it must be some sort of sensory perception.  I am sure that there have been countless studies on the subject as well as just as many skeptics.  All I know is that when it does happen, it tends to never be a good thing. 
So the only reason I bring it up, as you may have already guessed, is that I got the feeling something is going to happen.  No clue what it is yet, but let me put it this way, I am listening to my instincts.