Bucket List

Many of you I am sure have seen the movie.  That which motivated us to consider what we would put on our own bucket list if we were faced with our immediate or in the near future mortality.  For me, I often try to think about what would actually be on my list.  I often dream of exotic locations, and great adventures.  But if I actually settle down with a pen and paper, I am not so sure I would write any of those things down.

To me, if I was facing my mortality (aren't we all rushing toward it right now?), then I would want some serious things tied up.  For example; I would tell my sisters that although we live far apart, they have been two of the most important people in my life. I would tell my husband that no matter all the horrible things that we have been through together...we were together and that is what mattered.  I would tell my neice that she is the most beautiful person in the world and she can accomplish anything she wants.  I would tell my Dad that in the grand sceme of things that he really mattered to me. 

Telling all of my friends and family of course that I loved them, forgave them, ask them to forgive me and hopefully say all that needs to be said.  Of course I would love to see the world and all the great wonders that the planet has to offer.  But in reality, I would hope I would have the will to say the things that people avoid saying for a lifetime and then can not bring themselves to say in the end.   So if I were to write something down on my bucket list I would simple put...COURAGE.

The Secret of Life

Why I write on this subject, I begin to wonder if anybody is out there... sorry honey... I know you are somebody, but in the whole sceme of things (readers) it is not fair to count you.  Often times I think about the "secret" of life.  Do they call it that because those that actually know what it is, take it to their graves?  Hence it constantly remains a secret to the rest of us poor saps who wander through life aimlessly until we figure it out on our death beds?  I know, I know, a bit dramatic for a blog, but who is keeping score anyway?  For me there are a lot of lessons that I have learned over the years.  I will list a few:

#1. If it is to good to be true, then it probably is.
#2. Forbidden love is only sweet because it is forbidden.
#3.  Being attracted to the "bad boy" gets old the second you land him.
And of course
#4. To much of a good thing is not always so good.

These are of course all pretty standard life lessons, so is it fair to project them on the youth of our time?  Do they become a whole person if they do not learn these life lessons on their own?  These are questions I will send out into the void for answers, because, honestly, I don't have a clue.
One of life's lesson I have figured out for myself, and hopefully no where near my death bed, I will share with you.  Aren't you lucky? Is that life is always better in every way when... are you paying attention?.... write this down....

#5  Life is better when you are good, even when you know noone is watching. 

Ok that is it.  Go ahead and give me the pulitzer right now:
Speech:

                                I would like to thank all my friends and family for getting me

                                here and for not abandoning me when I hadn't quite figured

                                out Life's Lesson #4. 

So, that's it.  Impressed?  I knew you would be.  Now as far as life is concerned, it should all be nothing but a carnival ride from here on out.  Right?

Listening

Have you ever had that feeling that something was about to happen?  I have.  Sometimes it was eerily accurate.  Once my boyfriend asked me to turn off the kitchen lights, and for some reason I replied "I can't or they will blow up".  Even while I was saying it, I felt like the words were not mine.  Of course he said "what?", and I shook my head, leaned over turned the light out, and all four bulbs blew.  We were cleaning that fine light bulb glass up for over a month.  Another time, I woke up in the middle of the night and told my boyfriend that someone had stolen his truck.  He went to see, and it was there.  We had spent the day detailing it and that is why I thought that I had the dream.  When he left to go to work the next day, the truck was gone. 
I have had several other times of getting that "feeling" or even a vivid dream that comes true (usually there is a particular color that stands out in the dream).  It would seem to me that it must be some sort of sensory perception.  I am sure that there have been countless studies on the subject as well as just as many skeptics.  All I know is that when it does happen, it tends to never be a good thing. 
So the only reason I bring it up, as you may have already guessed, is that I got the feeling something is going to happen.  No clue what it is yet, but let me put it this way, I am listening to my instincts. 

The Loons!

Have you ever come across someone that just blows you away with their outrageous behavior?  I have a number of times, partially because where I live.  I remember being on vacation in Hawaii in 1998 and there was this guy that rode a bicycle and he had a Blue McCaw parrot and he would stand on the corner and scream quotes from the Bible at the top of his lungs.  There is someone in my neighborhood who can seem completely normal, and then just go off on you like a crazed lunatic. 

I think "crazy" has several levels. 

1.) First level, you are completely batty and don't know that you are, and these unfortunate souls are oblivious to their behavior and its reception.  So maybe in their case ignorance is bliss.
2.) Second level, the paranoid, delusions of grandeur, and busy bodies.  These ones can be everyday ordinary folks who, for whatever reason, seem to cross certain lines.  I am sure you know the type where you have been at a function and someone asks you a really inappropriate question or a neighbor takes an unusual interest in your comings and goings.
3.) Third level, the Waiters...these are the folks that noone every suspects of any misgivings.  They lay in wait until we all least suspect them and then pounce.  All their friends, family and neighbors say the same thing on the 5 O-clock news "quiet, kept to themselves, nicest guy, nothing out of the ordinary".

I have often wondered if any of these people go home at night and think the exact same thing about "the normal" ones.  I include myself in that category, but in truth I think that we all have a little bit of crazy in us.  I suppose the question is really how do you deal with one that comes into your own little world.  I would never pretend to have all the answers but maybe you fight fire with fire.  Fly your freak flag, turn the tables and give them a little bit of crazy yourself...or...do nothing.  Be grateful that you feel grounded and sane (even if maybe in someone else's eyes, you're a loon)!

Which way?

Have you ever thought about times in your life when you had to make an important decision and wondered if you had gone the other way, how it would have impacted your life.  I suppose that all of us have a path before us our whole lives and we decide which way to go.  Most of the decisions I have had to make have been pretty simple.  I have not always picked the correct path, but I never strayed so far that it was much trouble finding my way back.  Recently I was in touch with a friend who is now on the correct path and was somewhat dissatisfied that it took him so long to find his way.  I wish I had all the answers.  I don't know if it is all mapped out for us in advance and the decisions are just for us to navigate or if its really up to us and we hold the future of our own lives in our hands. 

One thing I do know is that it is tragic to be concious of the right thing to do and just disregard the knowledge.  To know and to have witnessed others mistakes and not to have learned from them, is a waste of time that you could be gaining by stealing the knowledge for your own life.  I do hope those with demons fight the good fight.  No judgements, no dishonor.  Just own up to your bs, and fight the good fight.  If you want change, tell everyone.  All those who you tell will remind you of your goals and call you on your "bad choices". 

One thing is for sure, I still wish I had all the answers. 
But if I did, I would tell you what they were. 

Christmas Magic

     I recently went to Portland to do my Christmas shopping and get it all done in one fell swoop.  When I arrived, I checked into my hotel, and immediately darted off to the mall.  After a little directional problem given to me by the front desk clerk (sending me 40 minutes in the wrong direction) I arrived only to find I had forgotten the magic of Christmas.
     Entering the mall through a very large department store, I was reminded about the one liner from Legally Blonde "the land of the free gift with purchase", after making a sale I went into the mall.  I actually stood there completely mesmerized.  All the hustle and bustle and the decorative lights, everyone appropriately gloved and towing their scarfs.  I walked through the mall, unable to stop smiling, and stopped here and there, looking for deals and thinking of my family and friends.  At some point a choir begun to sing carols, and I listened for a moment but kept referring back to my mental checklist of items that I still needed to get. 
     After a few hours of this, I began to feel like I was on a very high mountain, and I am not talking about a good thing here.  The air felt thin, used, like it was recycled by a hundred other people.  I was walking next to a friend and I know they were talking to me, but I couldn't here the words they were saying.  Hundreds of people were walking this way and that way and bumping into me and my bags were heavy and giving me a serious case of tennis elbow.  I started to get a headache (probably from lack of oxygen) which was only getting worse by all the damn lights. 
     Needless to say that I was able to make it back to the car, and load the rewards of my labor.  Back at the hotel I went through and retallied my checklist, and realized I had to go back the next day.  This was ok as I had time to recover. 
     The magic I found was not in the hunt for the greatest deal, or the nostalgia of all the decorations, or even listening to the choir belt out the carols that are so traditional. 
     The magic is when I arrived home with my loot in tow and my husband leaned in, gave me kiss and said "missed you babe".  For me, thats what its all about,  great family, great friends and great health.  So another year survived, family is happy and healthy.  Life is sweet.

Who am I mad at?

I have heard over an over that you teach people how to treat you.  I often wonder about those that are rude and treat people so unkindly, what they must be thinking.  Why in fact do they feel that it is alright to belittle or degrade someone?  What could have happened in their life to give them that sense of entitlement?  Do I feel sorry for the cashier that was rude or the family member who does not know how to mind their tongue?

If someone does treat me poorly and I don't do anything about it, then who should I be angry with?  Them or me?  Didn't I allow their bad behavior to hurt me?  After thinking about this over the years (it seems some good answers come with age), I have come to realize, rather than lower myself by being confrontational, it is better to disregard their behavior.  Some would say (and have) that this is passive/aggressive.  However, when in the past I have confronted someone for their inability to be civil, later I would revisit the scene over and over in my mind.  Wishing I had said this or that, or that I had not allowed myself to get caught up in the immaturity of the situation, until I was exhausted.  So, I could be wrong but I choose to be nice, no matter what. Maybe.